DongHae is sitting right in front of him. He glances once and the gaze caught both of those two pairs of eyes. He smiles at him; bothering the fact of his heart raced every time he looks at him. He knows that he only needs to smile because he has nothing else but his smiles. He does not have the courage to talk to him. He can not just be blatant about what he has in mind, or in his heart, because then, he is not himself anymore. He is always the one to be by himself, and not bothering the others. But, he can not resist this one particular guy. He’s the only one that managed to grab his attention, not only his attention, but probably his love… and he is Eunhyuk.

First time Donghae saw him was when he, Eunhyuk, stepped in the changing room, a lot of people gathered around for the celebration of new interns. He was wearing a black suit with white shirt in it. He did not tuck his tie neatly and clumsily did it on his own. While looking at him, a girl came, looking very mad, made his tie for him. Neatly, slowly and smoothly. He smiled to her and gave her a kiss on her cheek which made her blushed all the way to the entrance door. Maybe she is his girlfriend. We had to move when he suddenly patted me from the back, “Hey, my name is HyukJae. Lee HyukJae. But, I prefer people call me EunHyuk. And what’s yours?” I was in silence. No words to utter out from my mouth when he asked that as I was directly looking at him even before. “DongHae, Lee DongHae.”

Since that was the first conversation, we rarely talk. Yeah, not more than once or twice. DongHae doesn’t talk much. He always keeps himself in silence. No importance, no utterance. That is how his life is. But EunHyuk, he keeps himself in the middle of every thing. He talks, he plays, and he does everything as a teenager. He lives his life as tomorrow is the end of everything. He will work hard in every thing he does. But, he will never talk to DongHae in public. He always keeps himself away from DongHae when he is with his friends. DongHae knows that he has no rights to ask him why, but he knows this cool gentleman, who is the heart of the faculty, is impossible to be friends with him; a dork who has no friends at all and has no life.

EunHyuk was trying so hard to pull his tie to his neck as neat as others were wearing, but, it just got stuck somewhere! “Aigooo!!! Otoke????!!!” He saw a young man around his age looking at him, with a sharp look and he was smiling; just by looking at his clumsiness. EunHyuk can not look straight into his gaze because he had an unfamiliar stream of nervousness out of all sudden. He felt that he could not breathe as all the air was taken away by some elements. He felt like the world came down falling on him as everything seems heavy. He felt that his heart beat so hard that it might fell out of his chest. He could not resist the feeling of falling in love with the deadly smile of the guy who was sitting in front of him. He can not lose the moment to picture it in his mind. He has to do something, but while he was thinking, SooHyun came to him, untie the tie and tied it back on his neck as she always did.

Yes, SooHyun, the girl that his parents approved of. A lovely young lady with bright smile and a great personality SooHyun is. No one can ever replace her as she is the most perfect woman at the very young age. She takes care of mostly everything that he does. But, is that what he ever wants? Is living with her without any feeling towards her is what EunHyuk ever searched for? He never had the ‘rushing of blood temperature’ whenever he sees her. It was always the formal ethics and it is nothing much compared to the relationship between two outsiders. But he knows that SooHyun is trying all her best to be the best lady for the young heir of Lee Corporation Company. He felt sorry for her for being troubled. He felt sorry for her for spending too much of her time wasted. He never needed her, but he was taught to need her at any time. He wanted to be independent but because of her presence, he could not. He could not live his own life on his own.

But the smile that he just captured in his mind, the soaring eyes that caught each and every action that he did and the figure that seems lonely was all what he sees in DongHae. He’s lonely. Yes. No friends at all. Not even one went to him and talked. He did every thing on his own. But his eyes shine. They shine as bright as the crystal and EunHyuk could not just sit and stare as he has to know the name of that figure. He needs to get to know him as his feeling is heating the urge in him to do so. It was about time when he turned away and Eunhyuk went straight behind him and patted him and introduce himself. The words that came out feels a little burden but came to realize that there is charm in every speech he did. DongHae is his name and he is a loner. I can not just leave him alone but my reputation will definitely go down.

          The bell rings and everyone has taken their butt off the chair. “EunHyuk-ah! Come, let’s eat together. We have some kimbap here. You can share them with us,” Junsu called. “Never mind, I’ll have mine alone. See you after school, Junsu-ah!” Eunhyuk replied. He saw the young gentleman DongHae has already made his steps to the secret place and he slowly follows him in quite a distance. He wonders why he can not escape the feeling that he has right now. Whatever that he does with DongHae seems fun, eventhough it is only the two of them eating together.

          He reaches the secret place that they always spend their lunch break together. DongHae is already there and is sitting alone looking at the sky above them. The place is so calm. It is and emergency stairs that nobody ever use because of the tragedy that happens 15 years ago when a couple was found dead here. Both of them do not believe the stories of ghost coming hunting people who spotted there as there’s nothing happened to us since 3 months ago.

          “What do you have today?” Eunhyuk broke the silence. “I don’t know, haven’t open it yet. I waited for you to come first. What do you have with you today?” DongHae asked with his eyes focusing on the Tupperware EunHyul was holding. “SooHyun made me this, do you want some? It’s lasagne.” “I have not tried it once in my life. How does it taste? Is it sweet?” “What do you want it to be?” “I don’t know!” “Just take some, I’ll bet you’ll love it so much and you will finish mine!” “I’m not that kind of person! You were the one who finished my food even though you kept on saying it was bad!” “Shh! People will think that the dead couple is hunting them if they hear your voice!” EunHyuk teases DongHae and put his index finger on DongHae’s lips.

          DongHae stunned. He looked at EunHyuk’s eyes and he is trying his best to understand the meaning that he tries to portray to him. “You don’t want people to know that you are here with me, right? You don’t want people to find out that you eat your lunch with a poor guy like me, right? I understand that EunHyuk, I always do. You use me for your own satisfaction and you have everything in perfect. You have a beautiful girlfriend, you have the coolest best friend forever sitting beside you in class, you have friends pleading to be your friend and you have parents who can support you at any means. But what do I have? No friends, no money and I only have you as my lunch friend and you never want to let me be near you in class. Why? Because you only keep the benefits for your own good!” “What good do I had when I’m with some lousy guy like you?! You are blaming all this to me when you should be thankful that I want to have my lunch with you! I may get better lunch dishes with my friends but I only come to you. At least I still want to be friends with you, isn’t that enough?!” “I never care less about my feelings for you EunHyuk, but this really made me go insane!” After DongHae finishes his line, he grabs EunHyuk with his powerful arm and kisses him hardly on his lips.

END of CHAPTER ONE

Oppa, it's your birthday today and I would like to wish you a fun-happy-wonderful years ahead!!! Saranghae oppa!!!

DONGHAE-oppa, I have a special poem for you, since its for you birthday,

The Love of East Sea

the Time has come of Life and Death
the Colours that match the violation of Breath
the East of Love and the Love of Sea
has always be in the Half Part of Me

it's Time to call the Strength and Dignity
it's Colours to light the Mood of Infinity
it's Love to share and Love to be
it's what meant for Donghae and Me

(by the way, readers, I did this spontanously, so, forgive me for any mistake!)

Happy Birthday Donghae Oppa!!!

Human being has been living for billion of years. It is a nature that human living needs language to be spoken and to be understood in order to keep on living in a community. Language represents the culture of a society and apart from language is music. With the existence of language and music, it has made one’s life easier and more relax. There are three things that I am passionate about and those three are language, music and Korean entertainment.

          Language is the medium of communication and without language there will be no single community that ever exists in this entire world for the past billions of years. God has created human with a pair of lips, teeth and vocal tract that produce sounds. The organ, which is mouth that consists of oral and nasal cavities, is a great creation that shows to us how great God is. The logic of sounds and language is that the world has more languages than sounds. That means Malay learns other languages because there are no much differences between Malay language and other languages.

          Each part of the world has different preferences of sounds in their language. The differences of sounds combined to form a word and also sentences have made me realize that all languages in this world are special in their own way. They distinguish themselves from one another in order to form a medium that unites the society or community, or to show the power of their excellent kings or rulers. For instance, in Korea, before the rule of the Great King Sejong, most Korean used ‘Kanji’, the same language in terms of sounds and character in writing with the Chinese and Japanese. During the years of the Great King Sejong, he created a language to distinguish his people among the others from Japan and China. Today’s ‘Hangul’ character and sounds are the evidence of his excellence ruling era that made him the only King of Korea that deserves the title “Great”. Histories behind ones language existence too has managed to grab my attention and made me passionate for knowing even more languages and to learn more languages so I could understand and I can speak those languages with the additional knowledge such as its culture, people and tradition. In conclusion, by learning only one language, it is like a package of knowledge that consists of the history and civilization, culture and tradition and the people who speaks the language.

          Next is the importance of music in the existence of civilization. Music may start off as something to make someone relax and as a hobby. There is numerous numbers of instruments that exist in this world. There are piano, guitar, violin, organ, trumpet and lots more. Music can be played during anytime that one person likes and the most important thing is music is always something unique. I took music classes when I was young at the early age of 7 and back then there were less Malay children were sent to take music classes. My grandfather is a big fan of piano and he was the one who supported me to take piano classes. There is a research that says people who plays music since they were young, has better brains compared to the others.  The passion I had for piano is extremely poor at the beginning. It was due to the fact that I received a bad instructor and my mother changed my instructor. Since then, I worked really hard in order to play the pieces without any mistakes and played it smoothly.

          The passion of music did not just end on piano. I tried learning violin in order to expand my ability not only on piano. My younger brother and my sister gave up on music when they had to take UPSR and SPM examination respectively. Since the two of them gave in, I promised myself to continue adding up music skills. After my UPSR exam, I was promoted to a boarding school in Labu, Negeri Sembilan. Even so, I did not give in. I continued having piano classes once a month. Even though there was only for once in 30 days, but I still do my homework and practice. Whenever I play the piece, if there is a single flaw even towards the end of the piece, I will definitely start playing again from the start. Now, my younger cousins and one of my aunts are taking music classes. Music make my life seems better and refresh with the rhythm and melody produced and that is why I am so passionate about learning more and more musical instruments and its skills.

          Lastly, I am very passionate about is Korean entertainment. With the presence of language and music, they create a great and fabulous combination which is entertainment industry. Since I was young, I was brought up with a lot of western entertainment. I rarely wanted to know about Malaysian and any Asian countries entertainment world. But with the help of internet access and the technology of today’s world, I managed to be very passionate about Korean entertainment. It started off with the liking on Taiwanese drama series where a lot of good looking actors were in it. I still resist watching any Korean drama series but then, because of the love of music I tried to watch Super Junior, a Korean boy band that consists of 13 good-looking males around 18 to 23 years old.

 It is not just because of these guys are good-looking, but it is more towards the music and culture of music that they bring. The culture of Korean entertainment is way too different from Hollywood and South East Asia region. A singer or a group will have an established fan clubs with registration and fees to be paid. They even made rules to be a part of the established fan. Besides, the fans are not like Malaysians or any other counties. Singers are trained in a company for more than a year to prepare the singers with all sorts of knowledge of becoming an entertainer. Company that started this culture of training the singers since they were only in 12s and 13s is SM Entertainment by Lee Soo Man, a former famous singer in Korea back in 1970s. It is the first company to start having trainers and trainees to prepare for the entertainment life, followed by JYP Entertainment. Where ever they go, they will always have fans to welcome them and to support and cheer for them. For instance, Super Junior came to Malaysia on the 31^st of July 2008, recently, for the MTV Asia Awards was welcomed by hundreds of fans from all over Malaysia. Super Junior are Korean and we hardly see Korean songs or talk shows aired on our broadcasting companies, but yet, they still have thousands of fans in Malaysia, a country that has less information about Korean entertainment compared to Western entertainment.

I am really passionate about Korean entertainment and I have made a decision of my future. I want to work with any broadcasting companies and promote Korean entertainment that is much better than Western entertainment that only provides entertainment that gives bad influences towards Malaysian and Asian culture. Thus, with these aspects and great entertainment changes that Korean entertainment industry has made, my passion about it grows stronger everyday.

In conclusion, people may think that it is impossible to speak all languages in the world but it is not impossible since all sounds produce are merely same with one and another language. Music that helps to refresh brains and stimulates one’s creativity is a must in ones life. The skills to play an instrument need to be sharpened or else it will fade away from human’s right brain. Even if it is only to listen to music, it can make one’s body lighten and lighter too. It smoothen the ease in our brains so that we will feel more relax and peaceful. The last thing is Korean entertainment that has its own uniqueness and culture that manage to grab millions of people around Asia to fall in love with its culture of entertaining. Korean entertainment has become one of the top rated best entertainment industries and it is just the right time for Malaysia to expand their wings to get involve with other people’s culture to produce a well-produced entertainer. My passion for these three things will never change and it only grows stronger in my heart and I become even more passionate than ever. It helps me to keep on living a fun and cheerful life.

Have you ever heard of talent agencies that produce a lot of talented stars, not only in the field of entertainment but most of all professional skills in the universe? An agency that set up a place to train and to polish the art skills of one’s personality has never yet established by any Malaysian. In order to have well-equipped talented professionals, my dream business is to build an agency that has all the facilities needed by Malaysians to brush and polish their art skills, not only one skill but more than that.

My dream is to produce an agency that provides trainings for debaters to debate, singers to sing, dancers to dance, florists to design flowers, designers to design and party or wedding planners to plan. It seems that in Malaysia, there is an established school for sports and music arts respectively in Kuala Lumpur and Johor Baharu but there are no school or talent agency that caters to all sorts of skills including cooking, entrepreneurship and even communication. Thus, I planned to build my own style of talent agency that will be the place for most teenagers look up to.

It will be a simple place, with apartments for the students and the admission only for those 11 years old until 20 years old. They will go to school as usual students in respective government school. Their trainings only start after the school ends. They still have to perform in academics in order to remain in the agency. The agency will equip them with professional and qualified trainers in each field, facilities of the training itself and intensive training before one student to debut as a star or a professional.

          During the training years, students have their own rules to abide with and in order for them to succeed they have certain qualities that will determine how long they will be trained. If they are well-equipped and always show commitment, they may only take 2 or 3 years for training and then debut as a professional stars. Malaysia has Akademi Fantasia that trains qualified – but sometimes they do not really good at singing but got qualified too, maybe they were lucky – and potential singers in 3 months.

The fact of the matter is, it never provides good, qualified, well-equipped singers. For instance, Faizal who won the fourth season of Akademi Fantasia, is now doing nothing and there’s no single debuted after his first album. He remains silent. The same problem went to most of the singers. Just imagine, each season prepares around 12 potential singers and one by one will be eliminated in each week, that at the end only 5 or 4 remains to the final. The problem of logic lies here. Is it justified to call all 12 contestants as ‘Star’ when there are certain who only last in Akademi Fantasia for 1 or 2 weeks? I do not feel it is justified.

I slept around 1 a.m last night and I dreamt of something, it is weird, though! There were Eunhyuk, Yesung and Siwon as the main actors. I have no idea why Donghae was not there but, that's how it happened. No Donghae oppa!!!

DIna was in my dream too. She has the role to make me feel bad and mad and really spill my anger out. It was about the InterMahallah debate competition and she forced me to join the debate but I refused to cause I am still sticking up with my principle. NO MORE DEBATES YA!

There were fellow ladies to be introduced to Siwon-shii and Ika was one of them as well. They were all trying to seduce him to receive the title of "the Prettiest Lady". Unbelievably to say here, Siwon was looking for me to be introduced to him but I was in a bus with Eunhyuk and having some problems to settle with Dina about the debate thingy.

Then, out of all sudden he called my name out and said that I should try it out too. I don't want to disappoint my best friend, Ika, who had tried her best. So, I had to decline his offer. I was still in the bus with EUnhyukkie and suddenly I started singing Mirror and them came along Yesung and we sang along together. It was funny to think about it now but, it is fun though to have this weird and unbelievable dream.

Thank you for the dream and I hope I'll have the chance to dream of Donghae the next time I fall asleep.

I am currently in a CC in Mahallah Asiah and I am very mad at ABG CC!!!

I was downloading super junior and suddenly it was stopped. i was watching super junior missin u and it was stopped! shit!

then he allows this lady next to me to speak so loudly even interrupting people's convenience!

he also let the one next to me before to have web camera and talk to her boyfriend making cute faces and all.

and all i wanted to do is only to watch super junior performing on stage!

shit! hell! i really am in bad mood and i don't even think of coming here again.

he has made my life worse and i'll see what happen if this keeps on continue.

As everyone is informed, I have an elder sister and a younger brother and the difference between me and my sister is 6 years and my brother is 3 years. I guess I was born to lighten up the family because maybe my parents were bored and they need another one so they had me. I always think that I will bring luck to my fellow family members and those who I love and I guess it is true.

My sister is getting married and apart from that, I have been looking forward for that day. Franjly speaking people, my sister doesn't look like she's TWENTY FIVE. She has a small and petite body just like me but she's slightly taller than me. She doesn't really know how to do the household and even to really keep an eye on baby. What she knows are only to play with the baby and cook, without cleaning the kitchen.

She's getting married in 3 days, the same day as the Olympic Games Opening Ceremony and I am looking forward to watch both ceremony. (Now I wonder how Hankyung oppa is doing)

Super Junior went back to Korea on the 3rd of August and I feel bad that they've gone. But, they have left a mark in my heart. A mark that will never fade away and I am really going to miss them if they disbanded!

MIRROR and A MAN IN LOVE, eventhough they weren't look that energetic as they always are, but, I still grade them an A! An A performance for my beloved oppas. I hope they'll come to Malaysia for the Super Show. Better do it in KL. Easier for me to go and grab few free tickets. Hehehehe...

Oppa, Saranghaeyo~

(I was hidden by the balloon that Sya's holding)

I was lucky, when the gurads went to the esclators, the elavator in front of me opened and i hopped in. I went to the van and I was standing in front of Donghae and Siwon. The van was still. It didn't go anywhere! But there were still people in front of me. I waved my hand to both of them but no replies!!!!! at al!!!!

We were so near, but yet so far at heart. But, when the van started to leave, I waved as if I had no more of strength to wave them. I was looking so tired and pitiful and in despair, with the hope that at least one person wave back at me. I looked so stupid. With my IQ of 180 but with 148cm of height, how can they ever see me. They are Idols. I'm only a sad person, with all languages over my face. I can not tell how my heart breaks. It was so sad and filled with frustration.

But, nevertheless, someone was looking at me. He lent his pair of eyes to me and waved back. A small wave for a small person like me. A sweet and wonderful smile drawn on his lips. I couldn't believe my eyes either. Is he really waving me or anyone else? I was looking at the people by my side. I was far away from anyone of them. He was waving me. I've waited for so long and at least one of them waved and looked at me. Oh God! I can't believe it!

Thank you Siwon, for making my life happier, eventhough Donghae didn't even look at me even if I was in front of him. But I do understand. Donghae can't see me. He needed to wear the sunglasses. I shone too shine i guess. Thank You Super Junior, for coming to Malaysia.

I am currently sad that I did not manage to see the glance of Eunhyuk. Heechul was so cool. He even made a pose to us as soon as he went out of the terminal. He's the coolest and next is Siwon.

I saw and talked with Super Junior PD. She's beautiful and we took pictures with her. She's the coolest among the coolest! She told us everything fun about Super Junior. But, they are just all the same. But at least there is one person in Korea that has relationship with Super Junior knows about my existance.

I wish to see them. Everyday in my life. And always.... zutto~